Crunch time

Getting down to almost 3 weeks left.  Goals for this past week things have been pretty simple:
1.  Don't get hurt.
2.  Get in a few high quality sessions.
3.  Cut back on my calories as to not gain weight--as mentioned before, I eat a lot with high volumes of training.  Now, with the training starting to be tailored back, I need to drop my calories in concordance.   This will take a lot of discipline.  We'll see if I can do it.
 4.  Things have been busy on the work front this week:  trying to get applications finished for my fellowship training next year (sports medicine), still trying to get 2 research studies through IRB (which is so close, but a painstaking process), and oh, yeah, there is that learning thing to be done as well.  On the exciting side of work, I am hoping to have a couple of my patients deliver babies in the next couple days.  While I will certainly not be doing obstetrical care as part of my regular practice in the future, I do really enjoy it now.  While it adds a little to the stress of being available at all times, within a 1/2 hr or so of the hospital, especially when still doing workouts still taking longer than that, there is nothing quite as exciting as seeing a family celebrating the birth of their child. 

Sorry for the brief post, just wanted to give an update on my focus this past week.  Thanks to those of you reading this.  I really feel honored to hear that people take a look at this and take time from their day to email or call or just ask about this journey.  It has been a somewhat trying week mentally for me and the emails and chats I had with people this week have been a needed boost--thanks.  A special thanks to my readers from Russia, Germany, and India...hah! this blog allows you to see where your readers are and at least one person in each of those places has clicked on my blog in the past couple weeks.  I'm sure it was by mistake but if not, thanks for reading. 

Wanted: New Friends

Throughout this year I have never second-guessed my commitment to doing this race.  I had a mandatory re-evaluation of this a week ago Saturday.  I decided to do an indoor workout on the trainer and after getting set-up, I embarked on what would be a 4 hour bike ride.  With my computer nearby to help pass the time, I started clicking through my email about 15 minutes into my  warmup when I opened the following.

Letter of Disqualification

My jaw dropped, my pedaling crawled, I was nauseous.  I re-read the email thinking how could this be?  How could they do this just 6 weeks before the race?  All the time over the past year spent training, the money paid by friends and family who would be traveling to Hawaii to support me during the race…all for nothing. 

I went into the bedroom to see if Melissa was awake, thankfully she had just awoken.  With my eyes in disbelief, my hand on my head, and my jaw still on the floor, I’m sure she thought someone had died.  “I’ve been disqualified” I muttered in shock.  We went to the Ironman Hawaii rules guide online for swimwear (which I've read no fewer than 30 times over the past year) which stated absolutely no neoprene.  I pulled my wetsuit but couldn’t find the materials on the label.  Next frantic stop was the wetsuit manufacturer’s website which state 5mm of neoprene!  “Yikes!  It was illegal.  I cheated!  How could I have let this happen?!?”  were some of the PG-rated thoughts racing through my head clouded in the emotion of what had just happened.

What to do now…how do I appeal?  Who do I call?  Is this actually real?  Where’s the contact list on the website to call or send an email?  Who is this President of Rules and Regulations, Charles Cone?  I did a Google search of the name and a few things came up but nothing that helped.  I certainly wouldn’t be able to find another race this late in the season.  Do I just show up and do the course the day before the race?  Do I just go up to Madison to race the course before the race?  Such an emotional letdown.  Again, how much time did I waste focusing energies towards this?  Certainly I’m in better shape now than ever before in my life, but at what cost?  There’s been less time for family, friends, nights out, work, reading, research, other life goals.  All of those have taken a hit to some degree because of my commitment to this single race.  I knew that going in and made that decision with the support of my family and still feel comfortable with it.  But now it was all for naught.

This went on for an hour or so making Melissa late for work.  As she was getting ready I still sat in disbelief looking over the letter.  I asked her to come take another look. 

1. The letter had a picture of me, but not of me in my wetsuit. 
2. It didn’t mention my specific wetsuit.
3. It was sent from a an email account "Iron Man" at ironmankona2012@gmail.com
4. I had received it at 1:30 am that morning. 
5. The letter was dated that same day, August 31.  (my math that this might be sent from Hawaii was completely backwards at the time of extreme emotion, otherwise this might have been a giveaway).

Melissa looked at the name again, Charles Cone.  “Would Charle Player and Jon Cone be behind this?”

Both were finishing up an overnight shift at the hospital.  I got on the phone immediately to check before launching into a daylong escapade of emails and phone calls.  I couldn’t decide who to call first…Charle who would fess up first…or Jon, who I wanted to yell at more?

I bit it.  100%.  I can’t believe how much I had fallen for it.  In the raw emotion of it I completely forgot the rules I had been paying attention to for the Hawaii race, where wetsuits are not allowed, are different from Ironman Wisconsin, where wetsuits (which almost all have neoprene) are completely allowed and within the rules.  I was not a cheater.  I would still be racing in Hawaii but I was still in a little bit of shock over the whole thing.  Was I really still in?  For some stupid reason, it took me a couple days to actually believe this again.  I went to the participants list on the website and I was still listed but it stated “last updated August 28”.  Little help there. 

Charle (he forgoes the 'i' when spelling his name) and Jon certainly meant no malice in this.  They thought it was a simple prank that I’d be smart enough to pick up on.  They obviously overlooked my naivety.  While this took its toll on my Saturday workout, I can’t be bitter toward these guys.  I have a ton of respect and love for both of them.  They have really been in my corner throughout everything over the past few years.  Charle has done stretching and osteopathic manipulations on me before races and covered my home calls for me while I was training, and Jon was among the first to help me celebrate last year after I returned from Ironman Wisconsin and has also stepped in to help me out with switching clinics for vacation or family stuff.  It is with support from friends like that by which I can train and compete while in residency.  It did make me feel a little better, however, when they each told their significant others about what they had done and subsequently gotten yelled at.  Thanks Jen & Brit for sticking up for me.

My approach to training

I started this blog about 3 weeks ago but have been inundated with applications for fellowship and as you can see it is quite long and I hadn’t an opportunity to finish it until now.

With just over five weeks to go  I still have a couple weeks to squeak out a little more fitness before I need to taper. 

One of the most frequently asked questions I get is “How do you do all this training?”  This question usually comes in two forms: the logistical and the psychological. 

To tackle the easier questions of logistics first, it largely comes from the support I get from my girlfriend, Melissa.  Between her and my dad, they were the ones, with support of my extended family in Madison last year after Ironman Wisconsin, who convinced me to accept my position for Ironman Hawaii.  Since then she has been a constant support of me and my training and does everything possible to make it easier for me to train well.  I wake up early (somewhere between 3:30 and 5:15), go to be as early as possible (9 to 11pm), and dinner is commonly on the table 10 minutes after I get home.  My training is certainly not my burden alone; she has had to bear a lot of the burden as well.   Her weekend mornings are frequently spent in solitude (maybe she likes it that way) while I’m out biking, her vacations have also been balanced with my training, she doesn't enjoy dessert as much these days for no good reason but that I don't want to eat it, she frequently gets woken up by my alarm, she puts up with my dirty workout clothes and bike frequently inside our place when I do maintenance on it or work out in the living room...as much as she doesn't say it, I imagine she is looking forward to having this race completed so she can get me back and get rid of all these inconveniences for a while.  She says she is my Official Food Supplier—which I cannot disagree with, as she makes sure I’m well-fed and makes amazing dishes from scratch that completely blow my mind, especially when they are all very healthy.  I tell her repeatedly how I think she has to open up a restaurant someday to highlight her dishes.  As an example, last week when I didn't feel like going out she made an amazing homemade meal just to my liking (you can see some of her handiwork in the pics--not included in these pics is the homemade bread she made as an accompaniment).  

Scallops and crab cakes in the same meal!  I'm spoiled.

While Melissa has made it as easy as possible for me to balance home life, there is still work to contend with.  Fortunately for me, my work schedule has been a little bit lighter lately given the rotations I’m on in my residency the past two months.  This has allowed me to put in at least one long workout each week (typically 5-7 hours) in order to further develop my endurance.  During the week I get in about a one to two hour workout to kickstart my day. 

The second form of that question is my mental approach to training.  Training for an ironman triathlon is a constant battle with training a tired body with a fatigued mind.  That has been the challenge thus far up until about 2 weeks ago.  Now with five weeks left, I need to get the most out of my workouts, with a special emphasis on quality over quantity.  The new struggle for me is to hold back in many of my sessions.  Each workout is supposed to be either hard or easy, nothing in between now.  Oftentimes I don’t feel great but still have a desire to go harder.  This is often not productive as it decreases today’s workout and further limits tomorrows.  These next two week’s workouts are the most important of all my training this past year.  It is putting in race-like efforts in as near as race-like conditions as possible.  The long efforts months ago were solely to get me to the point where I can go hard now without injury.  Hopefully I can keep it going to put together a good package on race day.

When doing lots of volume (as in a few months ago), I try not to think about the distances or times too much.  The most important thing for me to do is just get out the door and just keep going.  I plan out my workouts decently in advance but I try not to expend too much mental effort in most of those sessions, not letting the highs get too high or the lows too low, as it would quickly lead to burnout.  I’ve felt a twinge of that a couple times this year but it’s always reversed after a day off and a good night’s sleep—obviously this wasn’t too severe as that has all it has taken for me to get over it.  Many times if this comes on strong, it can lead to weeks to months of flatlining and the only respite is time off.  This is a tough place to be. 

Maintaining a consistent effort on a 5 hour bike ride may seem boring, and yes it really is.  You can get used to it though.  The best way to improve my capacity to endure monotony is to endure monotony.  Aside from an inconsistent schedule, this is my excuse for why I largely train alone.  This means I try to go as long as possible without radio or music; sometimes it is for an entire bike ride, sometimes it is half-way through the bike that I’ll turn on the radio (typically NPR or Mike & Mike in the Morning).  Music for me is reserved for when I really want to push and always less than one-hour in duration, lest it lose its effect.  Other times my quest for monotony is best served by doing indoor workouts on my bike trainer, where boredom far outlasts the best movie, music, or computer.  

My indoor training facility, with computer and TV close by.

Of particular importance at this time for me is trying to hone in on motivating forces in my life and use those to key my training rides and build them up in my mind for race day.  When shit hits the fan on raceday and my mind is screaming at me to stop, it is the support I get from my family and friends that I know will pull me through along with the knowledge I did everything I could to make myself mentally stronger.  What really keeps me going in my training is the desire to 1) hit my potential for this race and 2) represent all of my family and friends who’ve supported me throughout this past year by asking about my training and wishing me their best.  Thirdly, I hope that with a solid race I will somehow be able to justify the commitments I’ve made this past year.  One fear I have regarding the race is that if I don’t perform well, I won’t enjoy it.  There are many things beyond my control during a race such as the Ironman and I need to change this outlook somehow before I go to Hawaii.    

Reminded by Rudyard Kipling's “If”…

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same.

I want to enjoy this race regardless of my performance.  When I cross the finish line, I want to smile the same whether I exceed my greatest expectations or fall flat on my face on race day and barely finish in the 17hrs.  I may never get this opportunity again; I will never have the opportunity to train like I have this past year…there will always be more obligations, more responsibilities, other commitments.  Now is my opportunity. 

As part of building up keep mental successes, I keep a daily journal.  It is not elaborate or profound.  Sometimes only 5 lines to highlight 5 things each day.  #1: What I enjoyed about the day.  #2: How I did something for someone else today.  #3:  How did I challenge myself today?  #4: How I made myself better for this ironman race.  #5: What I need to do to improve for the ironman. 

These things remind me to find enjoyment in something every day and to not be selfish while doing this selfish pursuit.  Of particular attention I pay to #3.  As I get ready for this endeavor, I will re-read all the challenges I’ve faced and conquered.  Sometimes knowing there is a challenge ahead is all I need to face it and get over it.  Today my challenge was getting into Lake Michigan without a wetsuit for a 3 mile swim.  It went horrible.  When I started, it was 5:30 am, dark, and no one else around.  It was also slow which did not make me happy; it took me a full 20 minutes longer than it usually does because I got distracted and did not concentrate on my form.  This is what I need to improve.   

Another part of the mental strength is giving up desserts.  It is not that I don't have the room in my diet.  I typically eat between 4000 and 6000 calories a day and am still losing weight.  The reason I don't eat dessert these days is that I absolutely love dessert.  Just like it is difficult to get into the dark water of Lake Michigan on a breezy 5:30 morning, it is difficult for me to say no to dessert, but doing both make me mentally stronger and I will pull those strengths on raceday. 

I had a brief chat with a good friend today discussing the mental versus physical components of doing an ironman.  I know it sounds cliché, but I think finishing an ironman is nearly 90% mental.  The faster you race the ironman, the higher the percentage the physical becomes as a result of your training but to do the length and do it well, I really think the emphasis is on the mental aspects.  Certainly at this point in time, as has been for the past 2 months or so, I’ve given more effort to the mental aspects of it rather than the physical.  As I discovered four years ago training for my first Ironman, I discovered that at some nondescript point in training, you cross a threshold where you simply know you’re going to finish.  You’ve put the work in and just feel it.  That is the confidence that comes with the training.  But sequestering the mind when it is screaming to slow down during the middle of the race is completely in my head.  That is the triumph you experience when crossing the finish line.  That’s the emotion loved ones feel in the jubilance of the finishers.  That’s the reason for the drive throughout this past year and what I hope to experience once again in five short weeks.