Thank you everyone reading this, and to those who don’t regularly read
this but have given me encouragement and love along this journey. After all, this is merely a triathlon, a
race, a challenge of one’s preparation and will, but again, still a race. There are plenty of more virtuous endeavors in
life but it was such an honor to have everyone’s support in this venture. People were so generous with their thoughts
& prayers simply because it was important to me. For that I am extremely grateful and deeply
touched.
For the abridged version:
As far as the entire day itself, my emotions are bittersweet. I am rather disappointed in my performance on
the run, not because a lack of effort, but because of a mental mistake I made that
set up the remaining of a disastrous marathon.
I guess I’m still wrapping my mind around how I feel about it.
The night before:
The night prior to the race we had a home cooked dinner at the vacation
house we’re staying at with all the family.
I received such a nice embrace when Melissa presented me with all the
letters she & her mom collected from so many people wishing me well. Thank
you to everyone who had sent me a line and helped her with this special show of
support for me. That night I went through
all the notes, cards, and letters before bed.
Even with the people we are closest with, I think we don’t know what
really drives people to do what they do and how they define inspiration. It was such a special treat to have that
insight from so many of my closest family & friends.
In the days and night before the race, I felt very calm. I typically don’t sleep well the night before
a race but this night I did. I felt
confident in my training & build up to the race and didn’t feel like there
was much more that I could have done to set me up for success.
Pre-race:
Race morning getting checked in was a pretty smooth process.
Part of the check-in is getting on a scale so
they know what your fluid balance is should you require medical attention later
in the day.
I stepped on the scale and
was pleasantly surprised I made my (optimistic) race weight goal of 165 lbs
(this was 3 lbs lower than Wisconsin last year and about 10-15 lbs lighter than
what I normally carry).
It was important
for me to hit that to simply carry less weight over the 140 miles I would be
traveling
After getting my bike ready, I did some pre-race stretching and decided
to enlist some help from one of the physical therapists there. As I was lying on her table getting stretched
out 15 minutes before the race, I felt fortunate for my good luck in the
stillness of my morning compared to those around me. Two people had their bikes over at the
mechanics with wheels off and last minute tire changes. As I turned over on the table I got an eyeful
from a lady who had a hole in her tight fitting brand new $300 water-wicking
swim suit that went from the top of her derriere to the bottom, no race suit
beneath, just personal space. I don’t
think she was as concerned of what was showing but more of the water resistance
against the 8” opening (at least that would have been my thoughts). I learned yet another use for duct tape as
they plastered her cheeks together.
Swim:
The swim start in triathlon can be a violent mix of elbows, heels and
bodies lurched into one another.
On a
recommendation from a friend who used to live in Kona and worked the race many
times before, I waded into the water about 10 minutes before the race and took
position on the far left of the start to get into the clear and then work
myself into the mix.
This seemed to work
pretty well as the water was calmer than I expected it to be.
I was still swimming into and away from
people the entire time but it didn’t seem quite as bad as at Ironman
Wisconsin.
Before every triathlon, when treading water at the line, I think to myself
there will be things today that will happen unexpectedly that are beyond my
control.
I may not be able to do
anything about these things but I just have to let it go and keep moving
forward.
Cue the Will Ferrell Old School
“Keep our composure” pep talk:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6lV_Vmf938
About 10 minutes into the race amidst the flailing arms and legs, I was
grabbed at the ankle on 3 consecutive strokes, then on my left wrist. As the person’s hand encircled my arm and
stroked my wrist, my watch strap broke sending my watch to the bottom of the
bay. “Okay, guess you are doing this one
by feel.” I wasn’t too worried at this
point as I never look at my watch during the swim and I have my bike computer
to tell me pace on the bike. The place
it might come into effect is the run as pacing can be difficult after biking
that far and while battling the heat. Part of the reason I don’t use much in the
form of technology is that the more you rely on it, the more it becomes
disabling if something happens when you don’t have it. This day might become a painful reminder of
that.
The rest of the swim was largely uneventful except for a two heals to my chin,
but my goggles didn’t fall off and that is really all I hope for on any
triathlon swim.
Unfortunately, given the
bodies hurling into one another, I never really got into any sort of
rhythm.
I found I was always swimming
into someone or someone always swam into me.
This caused me to put my head up a lot more than I should have and not
keep a good stroke.
Given the lack of
open swimming, I simply tried to tuck in behind someone’s draft.
My swim was about 3-4 minutes slower than I
was shooting for but I hadn’t exerted much energy in this portion so I was okay
with that.
It would be a long day and it
was more important to remain calm and be patient as the race unfolded.
Thanks to Nick Early for the free speed on
the swim in the form of a swimskin speedsuit that did a great job holding its
seams so as not to show my hind-end to my competitors.
Bike:
I made very smooth transitions and picked a number of people off going
through the change tents on my way to both the bike and run courses. My goal for the bike was to remain very
conservative on the first 3/4 of the bike and remain steady for the last
portion. I was happy to see a forecast
with a 10mph tailwind on the first half of the bike. I knew most people would not be patient and
take advantage of this tailwind by pushing the pace leaving them with a
struggle on the 2nd half of the bike and a long ride back into Kona.
The first part of the bike is through Kona, rounding a tight corner at the end
of a downhill I came across the ugly site of an athlete on the pavement in what
looked like pretty rough shape as she was holding her neck.
She couldn’t have been down for more than a few
seconds before I got there.
I heard
later she would be taken away by ambulance.
After this the primary goal of this stretch of road was just remain on
the bike, which was easier said than done with bikers oftentimes packed 4
abreast throughout the first 15 miles.
The heavy congestion lasted a good 25 miles into the bike making
avoiding a drafting penalty very difficult.
In some cases it frankly couldn’t be avoided.
I was wondering if they would be able to
enforce it and if so, how they would be able to pick people out who were
drafting versus those just trying to ride the course legally.
I was quite alarmed when I came upon the
penalty tent with about 15 bikers in it serving their 4 minute drafting
penalty.
The penalty box in triathlon is
pretty much the same as in hockey.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_w4MV_LwMw You stop there for 4 minutes, watch the
competition go by you, alone, 4 minutes by yourself, you feel shame, then you
get free.
For those who haven’t seen
Slapshot, it is worth your time.
Early on the five hour bike segment it hit me where I was and what I
was doing. I thought about those who
helped me get here, the work I put in throughout the past year, and what I
wanted to do on the day. This only
lasted for a few minutes as I caught myself working harder and going faster
than I intended. Continuing this would
only come back to haunt me later so I put my mind to sleep for the rest of the
bike and just rode calmly.
On the way from Kona, I went as easy as I could maintaining a high
cadence for the 60 miles to the turnaround at Hawi. Steady pace on the uphills and coasting on
the downhills. Didn’t ever really seem
to be anything in between. And above
all, keeping up with my hydration, electrolyte, and calorie intake. As I coasted on the downhills, I noticed most
of my competitors continued peddling through these segments. As they peddled and I coasted, they were only
going about 1 mph faster than me which I was more than willing to give that
trade. On some parts I would be
introduced to the Hawaiian trade winds that would shift the bike around the
lane. These cross winds weren’t too much
of a factor other than being more cautious when around other bikers who may swerve
off their line or delaying grabbing some nutrition as I didn’t want to take two
hands off the handlebars.
At one segment on the way south I met a downhill stretch of about 2
miles in which I let myself coast down so I could stretch and rest a
little. Others were initially going
faster than me as I took my rest; then I cruised around them as my speed kept
creeping up to a maximum speed of 48.5 mph—again, even without peddling. Even for me, this was a little fast given the
only thing keeping me on course is rubber the size of a postage stamp. I eventually came out of aero position to
stay a little more stable as I had to go into the left lane to get around some
of the bikers. During this 3 minute
indulgence my thoughts went from “Don’t crash! Don’t crash! Don’t crash!” to “I
will certainly be paying for this on the uphill return trip” to “Man, that was
fun!”
 |
| Roger, Laurie, Luke & Sam's work while out on the course race day. |
|
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Shortly after this downhill I came upon mile 53, the segment that
starts the 7 mile uphill stretch to the turnaround at Hawi. Again, “Remain calm and conservative. This is what you trained for on the Big Sur,
Napa Valley.” My speed averaged about
12-14 mph on this 35-minute stretch. I
even borrowed the mantra “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.”
Finally the turnaround was in sight and the 7 mile downhill stretch which I
used to get more nutrition, stretch, and pee off the side of the bike (which
was a good marker for me that I was doing a great job with my hydration). With the turnaround also came the 10 mph
headwind back into Kona. Even with
steadily picking off people on the way back, it was still a long sustained
effort the last 90 minutes into wind without rest. Fortunately I was mentally prepared for
that. I was hoping to get in a couple
breaks by coasting the downhills but couldn’t given the omnipresent headwind. I was surprised to learn after the race I passed
400 people on the bike. I do recall,
however, the 6 people who passed me who I did not see again. As Melissa stated, I never really think of the
people I pass, only focusing on the people who pass me. I guess I always consider myself in last
place in any race and feel the race is always in front of me.
Run:
Coming into T2 was a nice relief, probably picked off another 20-30 in
the transition tent and then off for the marathon.
This is where things would get dicey.
I had nothing to pace me and tried to start
off easy and work my way into my pacing, hoping to average 7 minutes per mile.
I knew after the swim & bike I was at
about 6 hrs, 15 minutes and with my primary goal of 9:15, I would have to put
together a solid run but thought it would be realistic for me to run a 3 hr
marathon on a good day.
After mile 3, I
was passed by someone going just a little faster than me.
My plan on the run was to conserve for the
first 18 miles and then push it the last eight.
As it is always easier to run with someone, I decided to pick up my pace
a little and run with this guy.
This was
a moment I had to decide if I would be conservative and go for a 9:30 race or
push it for a 9:15.
“There is my 9:15.”
I could see it going by.
“I didn’t come here to participate.
I came here to race.”
In that moment, I decided to pick it up just
a touch and go with this guy.
It wasn’t
a large adjustment, just a small change in pace.
This would frame my demise. Not
having a watch to know my splits, I didn’t realize I put together a string of
sub-6 minute miles from miles three to seven.
As we were picking off runners, I thought we were still at about
6:45-6:50 per mile, something I could handle reasonably well.
Miles 8, 9, and 10 I fell apart.
Seemingly every one of the 100 or so people I passed in the first 7
miles passed me back in that segment.
While I was still only doing eight minute miles or so, I felt I was crawling. This culminated in the turn at mile 10 where
I saw my family and realized I wouldn’t reach my goal. The disappointment of everyone’s support hit
me as I thought of the encouragement they have given only to be shattered by my
pacing indiscretions. I had lost.
Through miles 9 & 10 I really wasn’t sure if I would be able to
finish the race. Anything in my mouth
other than water would only be met with stomach cramping and a crawling pace
(later realizing it was still an acceptable 8 minutes or so per mile) but the
mental aspect of heading out on the Queen K for another 16 miles at that time
was too much to bear.
Miles 10 through 13 I continued to battle mentally and physically trying
to salvage some sort of rhythm but never feeling anything that could resemble a
decent pace. My mind wondered and I just
wanted to be done with this damn thing.
At mile 13 alone on the Queen K, I learned how much of a liar Crissie
Wellington (4 time World Champ at this race not competing this year) is when
she came across on her mountain bike and yelled “You’re looking so strong!
You’re awesome!” But nonetheless this
gave me a slight mental boost. She is an
amazing champion and someone I look up to very much as an athlete and
person. Her book is also very much worth
a read, A Life Without Limits, especially for the triathlon folks.
The next mental distraction came a couple miles later when I crossed
the race leaders and had a bit of a mental break as I had a prime view of the
eventual race winner.
Throughout the
rest of the race I used every trick I had to get my spirit going and try to
tough it out.
I ran through the list on
my left arm of names of everyone who had influenced me in some way in my life
to draw strength.
I replayed the letters
I went through the night before of encouraging notes, cards, and emails people
sent.
I envisioned me running smooth and
strong as I had in past training runs and races.
I talked with my mom and asked her to carry
me through this.
Nothing really worked
to get me back into a groove.
I was
mentally broken.
Every time I tried to
pick it up I had more stomach cramps and coupled over from pain.
It was just going to be one of those days I
would just have to trudge through.
I
had to resign myself to a slower steady pace just to finish the race.
I asked a couple people at aid stations at
miles 20 and 24 what time it was so I could ensure I would finish in sub 10
hours.
Fortunately I was well within
this time frame given what I could figure of my current pacing.
I made my mind up with 4 miles to go to get
my ass moving at a respectable pace.
Within
5 strides, a dry heave and standing still once again.
“Okay, let’s just keep moving.
Okay, I can do that.”
As I approached the town and mile 25, I could hear the finish line and
tried to enjoy the last mile.
Normally
I’m a sprinter to the finish but knowing the race was over, this was a moment
to take it all in and reflect on the support, training, lessons and just feel
the moment of what this race was. Now that I was on the homestretch, I wanted
it to last as long as possible.
As I
approached the finish chute, I gave high fives to a couple kids who had their
hands stretched and quickly everyone lining the course had an arm up.
It brought a genuine grin.
As I trotted up the ramp and crossed the
finish, I had a tear in my eye as I pointed to the sky and thanked my mom for
carrying me again in those rough moments of the day as she always had.
Overall:
In the days since the race I’ve struggled a little to come to terms
with my finish. I am disappointed
overall, but that is the nature of racing, or of any challenge. I gave it everything I had, made the
calculated decision at mile 3, laid it on the line, and failed. I don’t feel bad about that aspect. There are no guarantees in sport or in life
that you will not have failure. I knew
that from the start. The reason why I
took on this endeavor was to push myself as far as I could and I did that. In retrospect, if I had not gone for it at
that point early in the marathon, played conservatively, and ended up in 9:30,
I might have been more disappointed as I would say I was chicken shit for not
going for it in the heat of the moment, for backing down. With ironman racing, there is a learning
process that occurs over a series of races.
For me, this was not to be a learning experience to build for future
races. This was my chance. I won’t be racing next year with the same
devotement.
Coming into this race, there were two main wildcards I had to contend
with: the hills & the heat. I didn’t
feel the hills were much of a factor.
They were tough and my pace was proportionally affected but I was
appropriately trained for them. I
recovered after them and was able to continue on. The heat certainly did come into play for me
as I had to take in more water and Gatorade than I am used to and had a
difficult time with that. The course
overall was tougher than Wisconsin last year primarily from the heat and effect
of the direct sun, along with the disproportionate weather in Chicago currently. I’m not sure it is reasonable to expect to do
really well here with training in Chicago.
I haven’t looked to see how other people from Chicago did on the
day. I think the heat affected a lot of
racers as even the top pro men & women were about 15 to 20 minutes slower
than last year’s times (and those are people who are always prepared for every
race condition as they live in and train regularly in this climate).
The other aspect of the course that was tough for me was the mental
block of going out for 16 miles on my own in the sun and heat at a low point in
the race. Madison last year is an easier
mental course as people line almost all the course which helps keep you
going. Usually this doesn’t affect me
too much; that is the primary benefit of training almost entirely alone. But on this day, I needed all the help I could
get.
I feel very satisfied about my race preparation. As I mentioned before, I don’t think there
was anything I could have done more to prepare better for the race. I usually don’t say that before the race and
that was one of my overall goals of this year—to feel no regrets with my
preparation. I owe that to Melissa who
has made it really easy for me to focus on my training when I’ve needed
to. She’s also kept me well nourished by
her culinary skills. Again, I owe a
million thanks to so many other people as well: my dad, aunts, uncles, bro,
Lynn, all of Melissa’s family, my work family & friends for making this
possible during a medical residency, Dave for coming out to Kona (my family
really enjoyed the time with you), Roger, Laurie, Luke & Sam (for doing a great job representing family), Todd Peterson for all the tips about the
race and boosted spirits, the people on my left arm on race day (you may not even know who you are), Cheryl (my own personal photographer), Get a Grip Cyclery for the bike support and tune-ups
(my bike ran smoother than ever as evident by the cruising speed of
47mph), Chris (for great support in representing Mel's family; your energy has been great!). I’ve also really enjoyed the
support of others who I don’t keep in regular contact with or haven’t met
who’ve passed along messages of encouragement.
It’s been a lot of fun to chronicle this journey on the blog. Forcing me to explain the process in words rather
than only by thought has helped keep me focused and maintain a vision of what I
was doing. There will be one more post in a couple days highlighting some of the numbers attached to this journey.
The Road Ahead:
I put everything I could into this race.
I can comfortably close this chapter of my
life.
I’ve been blessed to have good
health that has allowed me to participate in triathlons and been incredibly
blessed with family and friends who have joined me in it.
I will certainly always continue to live a
healthy life, but it is time for me to focus my energies on other things.
I’m excited to direct more attention to my
residency, obtaining a fellowship in sports medicine, making up for lost time
and opportunities with Melissa, my family and friends, and simply enjoying life
a little more than what a 3:30 am wakeup call allows.
I will miss many aspects of this training, the feeling of flying on the
Lakefront Trail in an early morning euphoria, preparing for and competing at
one of the highest levels of competition, the long shadows of my bike on an
early morning Saturday ride, experiencing the calm in the water of Lake
Michigan as the sun is rising, getting into the best shape of my life. Things I won’t miss are the repeated 5-8 hour
workouts on Saturday morning, wading into the choppy cold water of Lake
Michigan in the dark before work, and sacrificing time with family and friends
in order to get more out of my training.
Alas, time to move on.
Thanks for reading and for joining me on this experience.
86° Temperature
in Kona on race day.
